Internet sex adventures putting strain on relationships
11 June, 2009, 12:30
With virtually everybody hooked up to some form of instant messaging system these days, the opportunities for couples to stray – and even get caught in the act red-handed – are on the rise.
While gathering stories for this article, I received this one from a female reader via email. She requested that her name be withheld.
“My ex-husband was married to some Marina before we met. They had two kids. During their relationship, she had a lover, left my ex, married that other guy but divorced him in less than two years.
“Then one day my ex-husband tells me he needs to go with Marina and their children to some resort for health reasons.
“I asked him, ‘why just not give them the money to travel?’ He replied that he wanted to be with the kids – something that never happened before.
“Well, after they left, I opened his laptop as mine was broken to do something on the web. Immediately, ‘received messages’ in his ICQ popped up. As it turned out, the kids were sent to grandma's and the two of them took off to Thailand for a week, a trip they had been cautiously planning for about a month. And that’s how I divorced.”
A Perfect Life
On the shiny surface, ‘Ron’ seemed to be leading the perfect life: his private start-up business in Moscow was booming, 3-year-old daughter Liza was cute and healthy, and girlfriend Victoria, the mother of his child, was always by his side – that is, when she was not chatting with friends and acquaintances late into the night on the Internet.
Ron eventually became jealous of his girlfriend’s lengthy Internet sessions so he relieved his curiosity by installing spy software on her computer. This technology allowed the boyfriend to monitor all of his girlfriend’s keyboard actions, which quickly reinforced the folk wisdom that sometimes the truth hurts.
Ron discovered that his not-so-virtuous Victoria was engaged in a torrid exchange of correspondences with an Indian entrepreneur whom she had met on a business trip. But it gets worse. He also learned that his girlfriend was preparing to pack her bags for New Delhi, together with their 3-year-old daughter, to start a brand new life with her long-distance lover.
Early the next day, Ron was on a jet plane with his daughter to the United States, where the girl is now living with his grandparents. For the past two years, Victoria and Ron have been stuck in a nasty custody battle over their daughter.
Internet Intrigues
Such Internet horror stories are becoming increasingly more common these days, as Internet technologies introduce more opportunities for people to stray, as well as get caught red-handed.
Maria, a public relations manager for a leading Russian internet site, said that such stories are “naturally occurring” part of the business, but the Internet, as well as other forms of communication, cannot be held responsible for every “illicit liaison.”
“Yes, there is certainly more opportunity today for people to meet and mingle on-line,” the public relations manager, who requested that her last name not be used, said via email. “But I don’t believe the Internet per se has created this type of behavior. There are people who will cheat in a relationship, and there are people who won’t. We have to remember that before the Internet was discovered people still managed to have illicit liaisons.”
But at least one psychologist disagrees.
“People go on-line and they are making friends,” writes Michael Conner, Psy. D, author of 'Internet Addiction and Internet Sex.' “For many people the Internet is like a private nightclub… You don’t have to go out and find real people and have an honest relationship. You can stay in your own chair and explore endless activities.”
“The Internet is now a contributing factor to nearly one half of all marital or family problems,” Conner added. “In some cases, relationships are breaking down when a man or woman develops a relationship in cyber society.”
But is there a cure for Internet infidelity? Maria seems to think that unplugging for some time each night and spending quality time with your partner of family might do the trick.
“I know many people who have installed spyware on their computers to catch their partners in some sort of an affair,” the Internet server executive said. “But it does not take spy software to know if your partner is faithful or not. Actually, if people have to install spyware to get this information, it probably means they are not spending enough quality time together. I would say ‘unplug, and go for a walk in the forest each evening.’”
The Darkest Side of the Internet
As bad as some sex sites and the endless options available for adults might be, the next category almost defies words: child pornography. It is here where the introduction of real safeguards on the Internet is an absolute necessity.
Mike Fortino was a popular motivational speaker whose glamorous job took him across the United States to deliver speeches on time management. He regularly appeared on American talk shows, and was on his way to becoming a national sensation.
Former President George H.W. Bush said of him: “Americans like Michael Fortino are a role model for future generations.”
But all that changed when Fortino walked into a Best Buy store in Fayetteville, Arkansas to have his laptop fixed. While checking the device, store technicians found images of child porn on the computer and notified the police.
Fortino, 48, was sentenced last year to 20 years in federal prison on charges of transporting child pornography across state lines.
Experts see excessive Internet use as a contributing factor to such behavior.
“Men, women and families are going into counseling for… problems that are partly or entirely caused by compulsive Internet use or virtual addictions,” Conner said. “Women are filing for divorce claiming that their husbands are having sex on-line or looking at ‘pornography’ for hours every day.
“Parents stop relating and spend less time raising their children.”
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