Learning crisis-speak

An Australian governmental panel says the word “drought” sounds too depressing to farmers. “Dryness” is a term with a less negative connotation and is the national alternative. RT looks into other linguistic sleights of hand that can help you cope with reality.


Crisis Chronicle

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The Orwellian idea of changing the language in which people think to change the way they think has found worldwide recognition. Name your invasion “brotherly help” or a “humanitarian operation” and it’s not an invasion any more.

RT fully sympathises with people who have found themselves on the low side because of things beyond their control in Australia and elsewhere, and presents you the crisis-speak – your brave new way to find the brighter side of a problem.

”Financial crisis” is hereby banned and replaced with “an overhaul of funding schemes”.

”Market volatility” is obsolete and gives way to “creative trade-friendly environment”.

“Toxic assets bailout” should be called “support of alternatively promising investment projects”.

“Bankrupt companies” are “seeking new beneficial ownership options”.

“Unemployment” is actually “freetime oriented labour situation”.

“Salary cuts” are really “opening new prospects for wage growth”.

The global market turmoil… oops, “the interesting situation in the financial sector” is not the only thing that needs a facelift of terms. International politics might welcome some updated terminology as well.

“Iranian nuclear programme” sounds too threatening. Why not call it “an alternative energy and defence initiative in the Middle East”? Hey, Tehran calls it that way, doesn’t it?

“War on terror” – this one is seven years old! It’s high time to introduce a modern, fresh-sounding term like “promotion of cultural ties around the world with the aid of security professionals”. The possibilities are endless.

RT calls on you to join its quest to curb depression and give the world new hope! Send us your ideas on how to improve crisis-speak to feedback@rttv.ru, use our feedback form or visit our forum. Your outstanding linguistic achievements will be published on RT’s site.